


quieting a thunderstorm

by justlikeswitchblades



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Asexual Kageyama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 17:31:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3496799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justlikeswitchblades/pseuds/justlikeswitchblades
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama loved the way Suga dusted light kisses over his cheeks and lips. He loved how he slipped his fingers into his own, squeezing gently whenever they held hands. His touches were soft and sweet, and Kageyama was thankful for this.</p><p>He realized that his boyfriend had needs and desires he could not fulfill. But as long as he didn’t see or hear about such things, he was okay with them.</p><p>Naturally, one could assume that walking in on Suga touching himself wasn’t part of his plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	quieting a thunderstorm

Kageyama flopped back on the couch, restless. He stared at the evening news, letting the anchor’s words enter one ear and exit the other without giving them much thought. Suga had invited him over for the night, and being ever the gracious host, had let him take a bath first. Unfortunately, that meant he then had to wait for the gray-haired boy to finish bathing, and the minutes he spent without his presence dragged on at an excruciatingly slow pace. 

Looking away from the TV, he picked up his phone, but no new notifications were to be found. He flicked the news off and sat up with a sigh, the damp towel around his neck falling into his lap. Craning his neck, he picked up the towel and stood up with a stretch, starting down the hallway towards the bathroom. He knew Suga liked to take his time in the locker room after practice, but this was approaching twenty, thirty minutes. He had surely gotten dressed by now, and was probably just brushing his teeth, something that, Kageyama realized, his saliva still tasting of their dinner earlier, he needed to do as well. 

“Suga-san?” he ventured as he twisted the knob on the bathroom door, “I hope you don’t mind my coming in. I just need to brush my—”

The words dropped away as he opened the door. He had expected to see his boyfriend standing at the sink, clothed, toothbrush sticking out of a foamy smile. But Suga wasn’t doing any of those things. He was naked, palm pressed to the wall, panting softly, and even though he was mostly facing away from him, Kageyama could imagine the blush on his cheeks, the urgency in his features as the fingers of his other hand wrapped around his—his—

The moment couldn’t have lasted more than a second. Suga whirled around as the chill from the opening door hit his body, color draining from his cheeks as they met eyes. They stared at each other wide-eyed, shocked, mortified. Suga’s lips moved to utter something, probably an apology, but the door slammed close as quickly as it had been opened. 

The words, whatever they were, fell upon Kageyama’s ears, but he refused to listen to them.

***

Suga opened the bathroom door a few minutes later, dressed in a t-shirt and boxers He flicked the light off and stood in the doorway for a moment, exhaling a shaky breath. Then, he started down the hallway towards the living room, stopping when he was only a few feet away from the couch. Kageyama was curled up, his knees hugged to his chest, face hidden as he leaned his forehead against his kneecaps. All Suga wanted to do was to hold him and tell him everything would be okay, but he couldn’t, and his heart felt as if it were about to break. His eyes drifted down from Kageyama to the carpet beneath his toes.

“I’m sorry.”

His words were quiet, careful, but they elicited no response. He bit his lip, hugging himself. The open space in the living room was usually warm and welcoming, but now the air was stagnant.

“…That was stupid of me. I don’t what I was thinking, to do that when you were here, of all times. I’m so sorry, and I hope you’ll be able to forgive me.”

Suga lifted his head, and let out a small sigh, grateful to see that Kageyama had done the same. But that didn’t mean the storm had completely passed. His red-rimmed eyes stared blankly as the empty TV screen, and the silence continued to fill the space between them as he lowered his knees, planting his feet on the floor. He hunched over, rigid, sharp angles of a boy, the whites of his knuckles showing as he pressed tightly squeezed fists against the tops of his thighs.

“…You don’t have to apologize,” he finally managed in a hoarse voice. Suga’s brow wrinkled, and he sat down beside him.

“Of course I do, Kageyama! I’m the one who—”

“ _You don’t have to apologize!_ ” 

His shout froze Suga in place. He took a shaky breath, gripping the fabric of his sweatpants.

“You’re the one who’s normal,” he continued, “Not me.” 

He took another breath, feeling the tears starting to burn behind his eyelids.

“I wish I wasn’t like this. I could always try to have sex with you, but even the thought of making out with you makes me want to throw up…I can’t…I _can’t_ …”

His voice broke with a sob, and the tears pushed their way out, rolling down his cheeks. He brought his fist down on his thigh, hard, whimpering first, then spitting out a bitter laugh as he looked at Suga.

“This is so fucking pathetic…Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t broken up with me already.”

Suga leaned his face into his hands, resting his elbows on his knees. He sat up a moment later, and exhaled a sigh.

“Well, Kageyama,” he started, turning to face the boy. “I suppose, at the end of the day, it’s because you’re human.” He smiled gently as he watched the boy’s eyebrows draw together, puzzled.

“I don’t want you to fault yourself for being ace,” he continued, reaching over, placing his hand on top of Kageyama’s fist. “I don’t want you to hate yourself. What happened in the bathroom earlier was a mistake made by myself and myself alone—the blame belongs to me, and nothing you say will make me think otherwise. I hope you’ll forgive me for being stubborn in that way.

“Does it suck that you don’t want to make out with me, or have sex with me?” Suga laughed softly. “Honestly, yeah, sometimes it does. But what I think when it comes to sex doesn’t matter—to me, your comfort is what’s most important. I would never make you do something that you didn’t want to do.” Suga squeezed his hand as he uttered these words, and the knot in Kageyama’s stomach started to loosen. Slowly, their fingers wove together.

“I know I can’t wish your self-depreciative thoughts away for you, no matter how much I’d like to. What I _can_ do, at the very least, is to stay by your side. You’re incredibly important to me, Kageyama. I hate seeing you upset, no matter the situation. I want to be here for you.”

Kageyama looked ahead, staring at nothing in particular. Then, he slowly lowered his head into Suga’s lap, meeting his eyes as he looked up at him. He lowered his eyelids, reluctantly letting calm creep into his limbs as the boy’s fingers combed through his hair.

“I don’t…hate myself,” he said finally. “It just gets to be frustrating sometimes.” He reached up blindly, fingers locking with Suga’s when he found his free hand.

“I imagine it is.”

“Since we don’t talk about doing anything sexual, since we don’t have sex…sometimes, it’s easy for me to just pretend you’re sex-repulsed, too. It’s bad, I know, but…it helps.” Kageyama blew out a breath through his nose, Suga drawing circles on the back of his hand with his thumb. “Reality slapping me in the face tonight was probably necessary, in that sense.” Suga squeezed his hand. 

“That’s understandable. I agree, it’s not the best practice, but I can see how it’d make things easier for you.” Kageyama exhaled a sigh.

“Yeah.” He opened his eyes and met Suga’s gaze. Suga smiled down at him, then bent forward, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“I’m in love with you, Kageyama. The way I feel about you, it’s just…pure happiness, you know? I wouldn’t trade that for all the sex in the world.”

A smile tugged at the corner of Kageyama’s lip. Suga was so open and honest—he knew what he said couldn’t be anything other than true.

“I know. It’s hard to remember when I get like this, but…I know.” Suga grinned.

“Good.”

“And, Suga-san?” 

The boy cocked his head to the side. “And?”

“…I feel the same about you.”

Kageyama pulled himself up, wrapping his arms around the boy’s neck in a loose embrace. He knew that picking up the pieces wouldn’t be easy—it never was. But, as he felt Suga’s breath on his cheek, as he felt the warmth of his skin underneath his fingertips, he smiled, knowing he wouldn’t be on his own.

**Author's Note:**

> obviously i wrote kags as being quite sex-repulsed in this fic, but in case you didn't know, not all aces feel the same way! some are neutral on sex, and some even enjoy it, and i am definitely open to kags being headcanoned as such as well. if you want to learn more about asexuality, [AVEN](http://www.asexuality.org/home/) is a great place to start. :')
> 
> thank you for reading!!!


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